so long, lonesome

Mondays are not typically difficult for me.

Which is not to say that sometimes I don’t experience an occasional “weekend hangover” that makes me a little slow getting started Monday mornings. But I don’t dread the start of the work week as many people do. I enjoy weekends, especially long weekends around the holidays. Time off, I realize, is essential to recharging one’s energy. Disconnecting once in a while for at least a day is necessary to bring all of your energy to bear when needed–the work week.

I also think it’s more difficult to throw all of the enjoyable part of our lives into just two days. Think about it: doesn’t it sound ludicrous to enjoy the gifts of life for just about 48 hours and dread the other 120 hours? It sure sounds crazy to me.

So I try to balance out the joys and challenges of life as they come regardless of the day of the week. And it works out most of the time.

Not so today. I don’t know if I’m experiencing a hangover of blues due to the Thanksgiving weekend or if something else is in play. But I woke up this morning and instead of hope and excitement about what I can experience this week, I felt sad. Really sad.

This is my daughter Paige:

Paige is a cheerleader at a local high school. She doesn’t talk to me anymore. It is apparently all my fault. I always feel like I’m on shaky ground with her two younger sisters as well.

The difficult thing for me is missing out on all the little things that come with being a father to three young girls because of my divorce from their mom. And some days the missing out is simply too much for me to overcome. So this particular Monday I woke up sad and feeling sorry for myself.

The greatest tool in my arsenal for handling life’s challenges is to focus on being present. Pushing away the past and not thinking about the future allow me to be only present. “What do I need to focus on this moment?” is often enough to get me centered and feeling better. Most of the time. Not today. And I’m not sure why.

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One response to “so long, lonesome

  1. Pingback: Day Five Point One « eightayem·

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